Soul Stirrings…

  There’s so much to be thankful for this weekend. I know I should do this more often instead of filling my blog with my rantings and ravings (although that’s good for my sanity J):

1. Citation Award – (*Scream*) wow! Okay, wait, I’m gonna try not to sound a little too self-serving here, but I GOT A 1.0 (Excellent, that is J) IN MY TMA #1 IN PM 201!!!!!!! Never, ever will I complain about how stressful making my TMAs are again! (uh, wait, I think I’m gonna have to take that back). Nothing beats being recognized for your work. It was a very unexpected albeit pleasant blessing. A real ego-booster, yes, but I shouldn’t let this get into my head, though. Now I know that all that advil (read: ed-veal) didn’t go to waste.

2. Forging of New Friendships – My classmates at UPOU went out to eat dinner last Saturday at Greenbelt3. The night was so fun; at this early, you just know that this friendship is for keeps. I’m looking forward to making more memorable moments with these wonderful peeps. (Ike, Manuel, Chelle, James, Jo-ann and Kim).

3. Rekindling of Old Ties – After dinner, I went straight to meet my college friends. These are my long time girlfriends and when we see each other, it seems like no time has elapsed. A night chock-full of laughter and reminiscing.  It is so nice to touch-base with these wonderful women again. Wish we could see each other more often, there is nothing like being surrounded by people who loves you no matter how goofy you can be and stands by you no matter what happens.

4. Reconnecting Family Ties – After three years of not talking to me, (for reasons I have yet to disclose) my beloved bwather finally did!!!! This is what I’ve been praying for years. Basta, I’m so happy I can’t put into words. Suffice it to say that this is the most wonderful blessing I’ve ever received all these years. But I guess this portends that I have to do the same. Soon, I guess…J

5. A Step Higher in my Career Ladder – I finally got the promotion I’ve been waiting for months. I took my oath of office last week. Although this means more responsibilities, I must say that I welcome the challenge. A challenge indeed, as I’m also taking my masters, I do hope that I will be able to fulfill my job and not have the reason to shortchange my performance.

Sometimes its so easy to focus on the negative things, if only we could focus on the more beautiful things in life then maybe, just maybe all will be much easier, don’t you think?

Helter Skelter

            

That has been my state of mind these past few days. My mind is neither here nor there. Come to think of it, my mind has been in total disarray since school started. My readings are piling and so are my to-do lists at work. I had more headaches than any average human can have in a lifetime; I’m chomping out advil (read: ed-veal) every four hours. That’s why if you notice I’m taking a lot of breaks from writing my TMA. I guess I’ve never felt more harassed in my life. Time management is just not in my dictionary these days.

But then, I realized that you just can’t do all things at the same time. It’s a reminder to me that as much I’d like to think I’m superwoman, I have no control over certain things. Sometimes, we expect too much from ourselves. We set our boundaries so high, and when we can’t deliver, we beat ourselves to death about being too lax or for not being good enough. And we end up being too stressed and miserable. (like I feel now L). I believe it’s just a matter of accepting that we can only do so much. It’s important that we find our balance; wouldn’t it be wonderful to go down from our own high horse once in a while? That’s why I’m thankful for good friends who know exactly when to give me support or to just let me be whenever I’m in these stressful times.

I’ve learned that in life, it is better to hope than to expect. Hope opens up possibilities, Expectations limits them. Too often, we overlook the simple things. Encouragement. Support. Acceptance. Love. Space to just be. These are the jewels we’ve relegated in the attic in our frenzied attempt to shape our destinies. Wouldn’t it be great if we let each other be? It would be liberating to release our white-knuckled grip on life; to trust enough it its process to let it unfold. It would be absolutely freeing to remember that grace comes from the gentle acceptance of life, simply for the way it is.

Neruda on my Mind

I wanted to take a break from writing my TMA which I confess is the only thing occupying my mind lately. I wanted to write a poem for my blog, but unfortunately, creativity seems to escape me. (one TMA has a way of sucking up all your energies, imagine making two, I feel dead beat). I’m a frustrated everything; singer, dancer, writer (I try to), poet, artist, name it, I wanted to do it but somehow, failed in it. Anyway, I said I wanted to write a poem, and one writer, a Nobel prize winner at that, came to mind, THE Pablo Neruda. To say the guy’s brilliant is such an understatement. He writes with so much passion, from something as mundane as a flea to an intense emotion such as luuuv. If he’s alive he should write a book : “Poetry for DUMMIES”. I once tried, and when a friend of mine read it, it sounded awful. Even I felt eeeewwww. (*shudder*)

Here’s a sample of a genius’ work, since a dummy like me can’t do it.

(*Sigh*) I’m in desperate need of a muse.

Any takers?

Fleas interest me so much

   

Fleas interest me so much

that I let them bite me for hours.

They are perfect, ancient, Sanskrit,

machines that admit of no appeal.

They do not bite to eat,

they bite only to jump;

they are the dancers of the celestial sphere,

delicate acrobats

in the softest and most profound circus;

let them gallop on my skin,

divulge their emotions,

amuse themselves with my blood,

but someone should introduce them to me.

I want to know them closely,

I want to know what to rely on.

Love

Because of you, in gardens of blossoming flowers I ache from the

perfumes of spring.

   I have forgotten your face, I no longer remember your hands;

how did your lips feel on mine?

   Because of you, I love the white statues drowsing in the parks,

the white statues that have neither voice nor sight.

   I have forgotten your voice, your happy voice; I have forgotten

your eyes.

   Like a flower to its perfume, I am bound to my vague memory of

you. I live with pain that is like a wound; if you touch me, you will

do me irreparable harm.

   Your caresses enfold me, like climbing vines on melancholy walls.

   I have forgotten your love, yet I seem to glimpse you in every

window.

   Because of you, the heady perfumes of summer pain me; because

of you, I again seek out the signs that precipitate desires: shooting

stars, falling objects.

Warning: Excessive use of expletives

A glimpse of me on saner days…

And now the only thing on my mind…

TMA…TMA…TMA…TMA…TMA…TMA…TMA…TMA…TMA…

TMA…TMA…TMA…TMA…TMA…TMA…TMA…TMA…TMA…

TMA…TMA…TMA…TMA…TMA…TMA…TMA…TMA…TMA…

TMA used to mean Tutor Marked Assignment, but now it has taken a whole new meaning:

T#*g I#!%g Masteral Assignment!

Aaaaarrrgghhh! %^&*?/$#%^&*!#$%^&*&^%$?>&^%$##!!!&*^&^$#!#$%^&*&?!?#$%^

                      *&^%$#*&^%$?<*&^^%$$%^#!#$^&**^%$###^^^*&&^@!!@$%%^^&&

                      @@$%&*&^!#?>%^<&*&#$#!*&*&&&^%$$$$$##**&&*&**%%$^^&&&

Aaaaahhh, I feel so much better now. I can now go back doing my TMA.

I feel like I’m

     standing at the edge of a precipice…

             waiting of a whopper of a surprise

                            that will change the trepid

                                            temperature of my

                                                                      life

                                                   

Jazz has been stereotyped here as elitist and, well, music for the chronologically advanced, Alzheimer-afflicted (read as: old J), catering to the mature audience. Nevertheless, it has always been one of my favorite music genres. (Am I that old? Na’ah, I refuse to believe I’m aging)

At the first strung of her sultry voice I was completely taken, and instantly became a fan. I have yet to see her play live but then again I’m afraid I’ll also turn into a groupie, following her every gig. (Mmm…that’s not so bad either.)

I’m talking about 21 year old Fil-Brit Miskha Adams. I was listening to her album last weekend courtesy of my brother, who downloaded her songs from the internet read: pinirata) and watching her arresting performance on MTV Lokal. The girl is a rare talent. Not to mention gorgeous.  Sporting a short hair do that crowns her elfin face of alabaster, aaah, my bicuriousness is adding up again.

Mishka’s covers of Autumn Leaves, Somewhere Over the Rainbow and Summertime are rearranged versions, refreshing renditions all.

Personal favorites are Marrakech, Where Do We Begin and God Bless the Child. I won’t elaborate, listen to them!